Goodbye, Mommy!

I am so excited! I have been squished for way too long. It’s getting uncomfortable! Mommy, I wander what you look like? You have been carrying me around for months, now, but I can’t wait to be held in your arms with you lovingly looking at me…welcoming me into a part of your life. I can’t wait to meet you and all of my aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents. I have never been this excited in my life! It must be almost time to come out and see the world, now, isn’t it Mommy? It seems like I have been in here for forever! Can I come see you now, Mommy? I’m tired of just laying in here, not being able to move about or play with anything. Mommy, I want you to hold me and hug me tightly. I want to play with toys with you; I want you to sing me to sleep; I want to love you.

I wonder what the outside world looks like! There isn’t much scenery in here…I’m ready to see what must be a beautiful world! Mommy, can I come out soon and see the green grass, the blue skies, the huge, snowy mountains, the warm beaches, the gorgeous sunsets? I’m getting a little impatient in here!

Today we went somewhere where we don’t normally go. I heard you talking to someone…and you were talking about me. I couldn’t hear everything that you were saying, but it didn’t sound good. You were crying. We left that awful place before long, but I had a nagging feeling that we would be back. It made me uncomfortable. I could sense that you were feeling awful, Mommy. Why are you sad? What is going to happen? Who was that man that you were talking too and why were you talking about me? I don’t understand, Mommy! Can I please come out and see you soon? I want you to hold me and tell me that you love me!

About a week later (it’s a little hard to tell time in here), we went back to that awful place that was making you sad, Mommy. I don’t know why you went back, when it was making you sad. You kept rubbing your belly, as if to assure me that everything was going to be okay. I was nervous. I didn’t know why. I mean; you had never done anything to hurt me before. You had always tried to take the best care of me. Something changed that day. You talked to that evil man again. And it was about me. And it wasn’t good. I thought I heard you say something about you not wanting me, but I know that that can’t be true, Mommy! You love me; I know you do! When I can finally join you in the world, you are going to hug me and love me and play with me, remember? I don’t understand what is going on…please tell me what’s going to happen, Mommy. I trust you!

Mommy, what is that bad man doing to me? It hurts, Mommy! Why are you letting him hurt me? I thought you loved me! I thought you wanted me! What is he doing? Mommy, I’m scared! I trust you, Mommy! Why is he doing this? Do you know that he is hurting me? Mommy, why don’t you stop him? This doesn’t feel good. Please do something! Remember what we were going to do together, Mommy, when I entered the world? We were supposed to do fun things together and, when I get older, we can talk about things. Why are you letting this man hurt me like this? Even though I don’t understand, I have decided to trust you. You have never done anything to harm me before; but what is happening right now?

Mommy, if he continues with this, I will never learn how to walk. I will never play with other kids. I will never go to school and learn about this world or God. I won’t have friends. I will miss out on such a wonderful life! I will never know what it is like to have dreams for the future and to not let anything get in my way to achieving my dreams! Mommy, is this really what you want? I want to love you, Mommy. I want you to love me. I want you to hold me in your arms and tell me how precious and beautiful that I am. I want you to teach me how to live. I want to talk to you about everything that is going on! I want to have BIG dreams that nobody thinks is possible…except for you.

Ouch! Mommy, I don’t know if I can stand this for much longer! What is he doing? It’s hurts! Are you sure this is what you want for me and for you? I thought you wanted me! I thought you loved me! I thought you were going to hold me and softly sing me to sleep every night. I can’t do this anymore, Mommy. I have to let go. I wanted you to hold me and love me and tell me that I am valuable, precious, and beautiful…but I guess that isn’t what you wanted. You never wanted me in the first place. I wasn’t planned. I’m not valuable. I’m not beautiful. I’m an annoyance. I wasn’t supposed to happen. And now you’re getting rid of me. Even though you don’t love me anymore, Mommy, I still love you! I’ll miss you!  I hope we will officially meet someday and maybe, then, you could learn to love me even though you hadn’t planned on me. Goodbye, Mommy!

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