He Knows what He’s doing…

“Trust. Trust me.” God has been whispering this to me over the past several months. My life has been one crazy roller coaster ever since last summer. Looking back, I can definitely tell that I have changed a lot since last summer. Maybe no one else can tell…but I can. I have had a lot of new things…I got two jobs (library and Dairy Station) for the first time, which was interesting. Oh snap, and I started college. That was a little crazy! I made new friends. Took lots of pictures. Made lots of memories. Gotten a couple gen eds out of the way (there’s a lot more to go…why do we have SOOO many gen eds?!). But I have a lot of things to look forward, too. I can’t even imagine how much I will change in the [hopefully] four years of college. I know that God has some pretty amazing stuff in store for this girl, if only I would let Him. 

Conclusion # 1: In order to move forward, I need to let go. I need to let God do His thing. Without me getting in the way. Trust me, He can do it just fine without me thinking that I can help or somehow do it better…so stupid. I need to let go of my plans, so that He can show me His plans for me. And I know, His plans are so much better than mine! I need to let go of the people, the possessions, the talents/gifts, whatever it is…that I have let define me, so that God will define me. I need Him to tell me who I am. 

Conclusion # 2: In order to know His will, I need to seek Him. The other day, I was praying and just pouring out my heart to God…mostly about how confusing everything has been lately and about the whole major thing. I felt like He was telling me to seek Him. You know that verse that says:

Delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart…

Or something like that. Maybe that’s the answer. Maybe that’s why He isn’t making it easy to decide on a major. Delight myself in the Lord. Seek Him. 

Conclusion # 3: I have great friends and I’m excited to see what God does in all of our lives! I have loved getting to know some people at Cedarville and I look forward to getting to know them better this semester as well as getting to know others, as well. Christian friends are such a blessing. It’s the times when I feel awful [because I’m sick] and I’ve just had a bad day…that my best friends hug me in line at Chucks that just makes my life better. I am excited to see what adventures await us in spring semester and I am excited to be a part of their lives and to see where God takes them…and us. 

Lessons Learned

It really is a beautiful thing when we can look back over a part of our life and smile. Even if it was tough. Even if it was hard. Even if it wasn’t fun. But looking back, it’s easy to see how God brought you through it and why He brought you through it…and you finally realize what God was trying to teach you through that circumstance. In the moment, you never would have chosen to go through that trial or situation…but now you can look back and smile and thank God for bringing you through it and for teaching you lessons that you can then carry on into the next difficult situation that you find yourself in. 

Yesterday I was talking to one of my best friends about some things that I have been going through…and she helped me realize that I can’t let fear control my life. A couple years ago, I never really thought that I was afraid of very many things. Compared to a lot of people, I am fairly laid back, so I didn’t think that I had much of a problem with it. Well, it seems like I do. Because of a certain situation, I am afraid of love. I am afraid of heartbreak. And I am afraid of trying it all again for the fear of it ending up the same way. But fear cannot control my life. If I let it, I could be so afraid that my life would no longer be fun. Sometimes in life you have to take risks. Some are worth it; and some are not.

Fear is mentioned 365 times in the Bible. Guess what? That means that there is a verse about fear for every. single. day. of. the. year. Do you think God knew that we would have fear? I think He did.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7

Even though I know that I will be afraid in the future, I have to take some risks in life. What kind of life would it be if I constantly played everything safe? Sounds pretty boring to me 🙂 Courage isn’t when you feel no fear. You have courage…true courage…when you move past your fears. 

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts our fear. For fear as to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. -1 John 4:18

There are other lessons that I have learned this year, too. Before attending college, I had no idea how much I would change. I feel like I have changed so much just in one semester…four short months. I can’t even imagine how much I will change in four years! It’s exciting, to say the least. I know that God has a plan through this and right now He is teaching me to wait on His timing…trust me, it’s not the easiest thing to do!

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -Psalm 27:14

My life was running so smoothly for the longest time…I have an amazing group of friends and I’ve had some really fun times. Then things got more complicated. But this is the conclusion that I have come too…either it’s meant to be for some reason, or God’s going to teach me something through this. Granted, He will probably teach me something either way, but just saying. I’m waiting for His timing this time. Because everyone knows how much I would screw things up on my own!

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him -Psalm 37:7a

So, as I look back over previous mistakes and trials, I can honestly say that I am glad that I went through it. No, I would not have chosen that path if I had had a choice. But I learned a lot more going through it than I would have if I had not gone through it. That said, I have to be careful to not build up walls or let fear control what I do. 

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. -Psalm 40: 1, 3a

God has been putting that new song in my mouth…a song of praise to my awesome God :]

Photography

Okay…I just realized that I haven’t posted any pictures in several posts…I know, I said that I would post several of my pictures on here just for fun, after pretty much every post…well, some of them were more like stories and I didn’t really want to post pictures after those because that would be kind of weird…and then I forgot to add them. So…here we go 🙂 I know, these are already on Facebook but you know, whatever 😉 I love photography!!

This is my beautiful little sister when we went to the Greene with a group of friends for a little mini “photoshoot”. It was a lot of fun and I think I got a couple good shots! (Grr…I need an editing software, though!)DSC_0010

Here are a few more pictures from our photoshoot at the Greene! (Sometime I want to go there at night to look at all the lights and Christmas decorations!) This is one of my best friends’ sisters, Karolyn. She’s gorgeous as well :]

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And another one…she’s so cute!

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Now…Bethany! She’s so cute and nice and fun to be around 🙂 I had never really hung out with her before this, but it was so much fun 😀

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Maybe you guys don’t like pictures as much as I do, but I hope this isn’t boring or whatever :p It you want to check out more of my pictures, check out my Facebook page! But here’s just a couple more pictures:

Mi Hermana:

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And…last picture for now 🙂

One of my best friends (a.k.a the other photographer!), Kristen! (By the way, check our her photography Facebook page too!)

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Leave a comment if you have any ideas of stuff that you might want me to write about and I will think about it. No guarantees though :p But I’ll try.

It’s a Story of Grace

“Everything we have gone through, everything we are going through, and everything we will go through is part of our story of Grace and Redemption through Jesus Christ and it all has a purpose.”

A couple days ago Jason Malone spoke in chapel and he said the above quote. I love it! It reminds me that everything that happens to me happens for a reason. I can so easily lose sight of that. That means that even the tiniest things God cares about and He has a purpose for those things (as well as the bigger things). But even so far as who I have classes with next semester. It didn’t work out exactly like we had hoped…a couple of my friends and I were going to try to get into several of the same classes and it really didn’t work out that well, but God knows that too, right? And maybe He planned it that way? Maybe that’s His way of telling me to make new friends in the different classes. And His purposes even include who I come in contact with every day. That just amazes me.

God knows who my friends are and who my friends should be (and as far as I know, that’s the same people! Haha).

But anyway…going back to the quote…I love how he mentioned God’s purpose. I love when chapel speakers or Pastors or whoever talk about God’s purpose & His Will :]

Have you ever wanted to talk to God in person? I have. I was thinking the other day how cool it would be if I could meet with Jesus for coffee or something and just spend hours talking to Him about everything. Tell Him everything that has been going on in my life while He just sits there and nods His head and really listening to me (and, of course, He knows all of this anyway, but He still listens) and then when I am done, He gives me all sorts of advice. And then, I would ask Him a bunch of questions! Questions about myself and others and why things are the way things are and He would answer them. And then we would just talk some more about nothing in particular, but how awesome would that be? I wish that could happen because then I could actually get some of my questions answered. Like the big one that has been on my mind a LOT lately: What the heck am I supposed to do with my life?

All that to say…I love it when Pastors or whoever preaches on God’s Will and His purpose. They always tell us that God has a special purpose for ‘each and every one of you’. And I KNOW that’s true…but something deep down always says: “The guy talking doesn’t actually know me. He’s not speaking directly to me. He doesn’t know my abilities and talents (or lack thereof) and He doesn’t know my story. Maybe he’s not really speaking to me. Does God REALLY have a special, unique plan for me?”

I truly believe that God has an amazing story of Grace (and just of life) and that He has an amazing plan for each of my friends…but I find it MUCH harder to believe that for myself. Why is that? I get so excited for all of my friends and for my siblings when they talk about their passions and when they talk about what they might want to do in the future. But I don’t like to talk about myself. I honestly don’t even know what my passions are right now. I might have a vague idea, but I’m tired of talking in circles about what I like and don’t like and I have no idea what I see myself doing in four or five years or beyond. I honestly can’t think that far ahead. I’ve tried figuring this thing out and it just leaves me exhausted and more confused than ever!

I know…I need to leave it up to God, right? It seems to me that whenever I try to do something on my own, it never works out…but when it’s God, it always works out. Has anyone else noticed that? And I know that I’m supposed to wait on God and wait on His timing…but I can’t just sit back and wait for Him to move, either. I have to put in the effort of seeking Him and His will and I have to work at trying to find His Will, I think. I can’t just sit back and say, “Okay God, I know you have something for me. I’m just going to wait for You and not do anything until You show me what to do.” I don’t think that’s the right approach.

Neither can I be all action and not allow God to move in my life and show me where to go, either. I have to wait for Him as well. It’s a very fine line.

But, I HAVE to believe that:

“Everything we have gone through, everything we are going through, and everything we will go through is part of our story of Grace and Redemption through Jesus Christ and it all has a purpose.”