Waiting. Otherwise known as Patience. I have known that I am not (generally) a patient person, and that seems to be where God teaches us the most lessons-in our weakest points. I have been working on patience (rather, God has been working on me in that area)…and I thought that I have been patient. I mean, I’ve been waiting a long time. I’m not really sure what that season of waiting really accomplished except, perhaps, God was starting the long and difficult lesson of Patience. I know that there are many, many other lessons that God has probably been teaching me through all of this, but my perspective is too close to the situation to see them all right now. I can see some, however. Or I think I can. I think when we think we have learned a lesson from God, it’s easy to let Pride set in. We start to think so highly of ourselves that God has taught us this lesson and now we’re forever good in that area (such as patience). When we start thinking that way, I can imagine God shaking his head at us and smiling sadly, knowing that He will have to teach us yet another lesson. His heart hurts when we hurt, but He knows that it is necessary.
Ten days. Let me explain. I recently bought a book called “Get Lost”. It’s by Dannah Gresh-if you’re a girl and haven’t read it, you should definitely read it. I’m not very far in it yet, but it’s great! Every page has several different colors of highlighter on it! So, in this book she suggests that we take a ‘fast’ from guys for ten days. And focus on God. Focus on getting Lost in God’s love instead of a human guy’s ‘love’. I wasn’t really thinking of doing that, to be honest. I just heard that it was a really great book so I bought it and I read the first few chapters (which is all I had time for for that day). The next day I was talking to a couple friends about it, and I realized that it would be a good idea for me. In my situation, completely not talking to him is what I need to do, I think. I want to re-focus on God and learn what He has for me during this time. Honestly, everything is still up in the air anyway. I have almost finished Day 1. Only 9 more to go. It’s not easy, let me tell you! When did I get this way? Why is it so hard to let go? I really am trying to let go of this whole thing and place it in God’s hands…maybe that’s my problem.
Maybe instead of trying to hold it up to God for Him to take, all I can do is simply release my grip on it and slowly (with His gentle help) open my fingers and let it lay in my open palms for Him to move and take it when the time is right. I’m not strong enough to completely let go and give it to Him on my own…it’s only through HIS strength that I can do anything at all.
I’m sorry for my rambling…most of this probably doesn’t even make much sense! It’s kind of all over the place…but I hope you can at least sort of follow what I’m trying to say!
Back on the Waiting thing. Ever since this whole thing started (I know I’m being really vague) I have said that I will Wait for God. I will wait for His timing. And I meant too. And I tried. And I thought that that was what I was doing. But then a couple days ago, I came to the realization that maybe I wasn’t actually waiting for God to move and work the situation out (etc)…but instead of was waiting for this guy to figure out what he was doing so we could figure out our relationship. I’m not really sure how you distinguish between waiting for God and waiting for someone/something else. Anyway, that is just a few rambling paragraphs on what’s been going on and some of what I’ve been learning, although I realize that it was not very well written. Haha…it’s kind of late.