Reflections

If you haven’t had a chance to check out my last blog post where I start off my “short story” called- “The Choice”, then go ahead and check that out first! https://emathews2012.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/the-choice/

Here’s part two:

Reflections:

I would have fallen if He had not been there to steady me. His body seemed to give off strength. I felt so weak as I gathered every ounce of strength and resolve that I could as I stumbled away from everything that I had ever known. I was scared to death as I stepped out into the unknown. This was not safe. I felt vulnerable and helpless. I would not be able to stand on my own. I leaned on His ever-steady hand as he led me another step away from where I felt Safe. With every step I took, I felt more confident. I was still terrified of what the future might hold, but I actually started to believe that it was better than what I was settling for. Eventually he released my hand. At first, I felt unbalanced and unsteady. I waved my arms in the air, trying to regain balance. He smiled at me.

“Remember, even when I am not physically visible to you, I am always here with you and for you.” He spoke to me with such love that I felt tears coming to my eyes. I refused to let my emotions overtake me, though, so I swallowed my tears and bravely looked forward…somewhere where I had not dared to look before. The man continued walking. I followed him down the dirt path, filled with pot holes that threatened to stop me and slow me down. He walked much faster and before I knew it, he was out of sight. I walked on for some time. The sun beat down upon me, but I didn’t mind. I loved the feel of the sun on my skin.

Up ahead I could see another girl walking toward me…or was it? It looked strangely like myself. As I walked toward the other girl, I realized that it actually was myself! There was a giant mirror blocking the path. I looked around for a while, but there was no way to avoid the mirror. I sat down on a rock in the path to contemplate what to do next. I heard yelling and laughing to my right. I quickly glanced over there. Several people were running along a path that looked much easier and smoother. It was made of asphalt and they looked like they were having fun. It would be more fun to travel with other people instead of by myself. I told myself. Somehow I could sense that He would not approve of me leaving this path. I knew that there had to be someway around this gigantic mirror. It was making me uncomfortable, staring at my reflection with no way out of it. I stood up from the rock and walked towards the mirror. I gently pushed on the right side of it. To my surprise, it opened easily, allowing me to enter. It closed behind me. Whatever this hallway led too, I would have to follow it now. Taking a deep breath, I commanded my shaking legs to take a step forward. Then another one. When I finally began to feel less afraid (nothing horrible has happened yet…), I began to notice my surroundings for the first time. I was in a long, straight hallway. It was dimly lit with a crimson red carpet leading me down the hallway. After walking for a few minutes in the narrow hallway, I could see brighter lights in the distance. My footsteps began to echo, as if I was about to walk into a large, empty room. I approached the lights. The brightness of them made me blink a few times before I got used to it. The hallway gave way to a huge room, completely covered with mirrors! All of the walls were made of mirrors as well as the floor and ceiling. I stared at my reflection in disgust. I had seen this face far too often. All I could see were all the flaws that were so evident to me. I felt uncomfortable and immediately looked for an escape.

“Emily,” He had returned. I spun around.

“Please show me the way out of here,” I begged.

He smiled and walked closer to me. He beckoned to the mirrors surrounding us. “I told you before we started on this journey that there was much that you needed to learn about yourself. This is where that starts.”

I shook my head. “What do you mean?” I asked suspiciously.

He gently took my hand and led me closer to one of the mirror-paneled walls. “What do you see?”

He prodded. I was hesitant to answer, but I knew that He would not let me leave without giving me an answer. I also knew that He would know if I was not telling the complete truth. So I took a deep breath before I began. “I hate my eyebrows and my skin. I can never keep my skin clear and my eyebrows always look horrible, but I never really spend much time on them. My hair is thin and fine, and I would rather it be much thicker. I would also rather it be naturally lighter blonde…beach blonde. My body’s not ideal, either.”

I cannot explain the way He looked at me. He looked sad, but I don’t think it was directly because of me. He looked at me like he loved me very much. I have never seen anyone look at me like that before. I don’t think mere humans are capable of feeling love so strong. He took a good long while to reply. In the silence, I stared at my reflection in the mirrors. When he finally spoke, I turned to look at him.

He shook His head. “Your vision of beauty is so distorted, but it’s not your fault. This is why your journey to discover who you are starts with the room of mirrors.” He looked in the mirror so that he could see the reflection of my face. I turned my gaze so that I could see his reflection in the mirror as well.

“You told me everything that you don’t like about your appearance.” He told me. Then he gently said, “Now tell me what you like about your appearance.”

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. He expected me to say something. I stared at my reflection. All I could see were my flaws glaring back at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I closed my mouth, knowing that I would not be able to come up with anything satisfactory. He put his arm around me for a moment and smiled gently at my reflection in the mirror.

“If you could only see yourself through my eyes,” again, his eyes looked sad and held so much character. “You would see how beautiful you are. You are drop dead gorgeous, my daughter. Why can’t you see that? You are so perfect because this is how I made you. I did not make you like anyone else, and you should be proud about that! Embrace the fact that you are unique and beautiful in your own way…beautiful in ways that no one else is.” He paused as I soaked in his words. I wanted so badly to believe them. “I made every part of you…don’t you see? I made your body type. I personally made your hair and your face and every feature that you admitted to hating. I love you. You are so much prettier than you can even imagine. If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would be able to see that and really believe that!” Tears misted my eyes as I took in what he was saying. He turned to me. I looked from our reflections, and looked at his beautiful face. 

“Do you believe what I’m telling you?”

“I want to so badly.” I answered, shifting my gaze to stare at my feet. He gently lifted my face to look at His.

“You can believe this, Emily.” He smiled. “You don’t have to believe what everyone else is telling you about your beauty. My opinion is the only one that matters. Don’t let others define you. You must learn to define yourself based on the truths that I tell you.” I nodded slowly. I wanted to hold onto what he was saying so badly. Years and years of listening to what others had to say about my appearance struggled to overpower what He was telling me.

After a short moment of complete silence, He looked at me again with a look of love. “It will take you a while to fully begin to see what I see. But you can do it. Every time you are tempted to dislike what I created in You, think about the words that I have told you. You don’t have to settle for what others are settling for. You don’t have to strive to be ‘normal’. Who wants to be normal anyway? Be who you were created to be, daughter. And always, always remember that I will always love and cherish you and that you are always beautiful in my eyes.”

I broke his gaze and glanced at myself in the mirror again. I still saw my flaws, but somehow they seemed slightly less pronounced than they did moments earlier. I smiled at His reflection next to mine. It would be a while before I could comfortably smile at my own reflection, but I knew He would give me strength.

“Are you ready for the next part of your journey?” He asked.

I nodded. “Where does it lead?”

He just smiled and walked to the left, where he pressed a precise part of a mirror that revealed another hallway, which seemed to lead out of this room of mirrors. I would never have found the way out if I had not let Him lead me out. I could see the natural sunlight at the end of the hallway. As I walked towards the light, I could sense that I was again seemingly alone. I glanced around, and could not find Him anywhere. I walked the remainder of the hallway alone. 

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