I didn’t have a chance to read “sacred Singleness” today, unfortunately. I was out all afternoon with friends (walking around Cedarville trying to find something to eat because apparently everything is closed on Sundays!) and then I went to church again in the evening, and then I had to pack because tomorrow I’m leaving for Columbus to help my sister pack up the van & everything…and then we leave at like 3 AM on Tuesday for Washington D.C. area-to be gone for a week. So, packing took a little while…and now that book is in a bag because I’m taking it tomorrow. So I didn’t get to it, but I can write a little update about how today was, anyway.
Today was…I don’t know if I would call it a ‘setback’, exactly…but I did start to think about him (and other guys in general) again pretty much all day. I’m beginning to accept that that is just how some days are going to go, though. Some days will be like today, when it seems like all I can do is think about guys (not ALL, but I think you know what I mean lol), while other days he doesn’t even cross my mind all day. I don’t know what the difference between the two days is, but I know that I need to take it all back to God (which I’m afraid I failed at today…).
My eyes are still too fixed on the past, with a mixture of too far into the future. I have been asking God to help me lay all of these desires down at His feet and to simply walk away from them-for now. But today I realized that I often do still think about what happened, even wanting some of it back. But I know that that would be a mistake. I said my eyes are also fixed too far into the future because I am still having trouble focusing on possible guys, even in some of my close guy friends, but that is exactly what I am trying to get completely away from! I’m hoping God will help me to move away from that line of thinking…because I don’t think I can do it on my own! Actually, I know I can’t. Because I’ve tried.
I believe I mentioned something like this in my previous blog post, but I need to start turning my head from the past, and focus on the now. What God wants for me now. And I need to S.T.O.P constantly thinking about the past and/or the future (future guys, I mean) and instead focus on Christ and becoming a true woman after His heart. I cannot do this on my own, however. Again, I thank God, first of all, for being my Strength and my everything…for helping me through all of this and teaching me so much…and I thank my best friends who have always listened to me and given me advice and just been there for me through it all…ready to give a hug and a shoulder to cry on when I walked away from something that I did actually want (at least I think I did) because I knew that God was telling me no, and my friends could see that too.
I couldn’t thank God enough for the blessings that He has given me. More on that later.
“Sometimes strength means walking away…” -Unknown