Insecurity. Yeah, you probably guessed that topic would probably come up. So often I find that I don’t realize I am feeling a certain way (or at least I don’t call it by the right name) until later, when I look back on a portion of my life and realize what I really was feeling or how I was acting. Insecurity has been a big part of my life, unfortunately, I think. Not having a boyfriend can definitely contribute to feeling insecure for many girls/women. It can lead to many questions like ‘since no guys have been interested in me (or they haven’t stayed long) does that mean that I’m not good enough? Maybe I’m not pretty enough, or smart, or fun, or [fill in the blank] enough.’
I think we single girls easily fall into the trap of thinking that if we find “The One”, we will immediately be happy and we will find fulfillment and security. Again, I think we’ve been looking in the wrong place for ultimate fulfillment and even romance. Leslie Ludy puts it this way:
“Jesus Christ is the One who ultimately satisfies the deepest needs and desires of my heart. Jesus Christ is the One I lean upon for fulfillment, strength, and security.”
How I long to be able to say with complete sincerity that I am leaning on Jesus Christ, instead of always looking for another special guy to fill this empty place in my heart…because that guy won’t be able to fill that place anyway. This reminds me of the song, “The more I seek you” by Kari Jobe. I love that song and recently played the piano and sang it for church. This is the lyrics for the chorus:
I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming
Also in “Sacred Singleness”, the author goes on to tell a story of a single woman in her twenties who said, “I’m so thankful that God hasn’t brought my husband along yet. It’s because I’ve been on my own that I’ve really learned to really make Jesus Christ my first love, my all in all. Now I know how to lean upon Jesus Christ for everything- comfort, strength, security, peace, and joy.” I think I agree with her. Apparently I’m more stubborn than the women whose relationships have worked out so easily. God needed to test me. He wanted to draw me closer to Himself. I think it worked, though I know that I still have such a long way to go!
Also in the book, she mentions a little about the opportunity of the ‘single season’ (my words). I haven’t really thought much about that in the past, I’m afraid. It’s all been about me. And a guy who I hope will find me soon. I haven’t stopped to think much about why I’m single. Well, obviously I’m single because that’s God’s best for me right now. It may not always be that way…or it might. Either way, I have to get to the place where I’m okay with that. I’m not there yet (I’m just being honest!). Maybe I am way more effective for God single. Maybe (and very likely) I am not ready for a serious earthly relationship yet. Perhaps He wants me to draw closer and closer to Him without the distraction of an earthly romance. Attitude is everything, my friends. My parents used to say that to me all the time (about…well, about everything), but I didn’t believe it for the longest time. Well, needless to say, they were right (again). A person’s attitude makes SUCH a huge difference. God wants our hearts, Ladies. He wants a heart that is so radical and on fire for Him and His mission, that we will give up our hopes and desires for an earthly relationship (any kind of earthly relationship) to follow His plan for our lives without hesitation. I’m not gonna lie…I am not in that place yet, but that’s where I’m aiming to go…with God’s strength ALL things are possible!
“Until we [silence the selfish demands of our whims and emotions and become consumed with Him alone], we aren’t truly ready for an earthly romance. And often God will hold off bringing our future husband into our life until our heart is fully His.” -Leslie Ludy “Sacred Singleness”
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss
I like Dr. Seuss’ quote. There is a time to cry or be sad or whatever. I’ve done that (I mean, who hasn’t?!)…but I think it’s about time to stop crying because it’s over, to smile because it happened (There were good parts…), and to just move on already! 😉