{Coffee for your heart} The Mask

If you’re like me, maybe you feel like some days you’re at a masquerade ball. Don’t get me wrong, I would actually love to go to one of those, but that’s not the point that I’m trying to make right now. Some days it just feels like nobody is willing to show you who they really are. Somedays you are just not willing to show them who you really are! It hurts too much. You are driven by fear. Fear that people will judge you or not like the real you. Whatever the reason is, you like to hide your brokenness. You don’t want others to see you broken and crying. You want them to think that you are the “perfect Christian” (if there is such a thing…). You see the front that other people have put up and you think that they are perfect when, in reality, they are struggling just like you are…in some cases, possibly exactly just as you are!

I wonder what would happen if we dared to rip that mask off of our face…wiped the makeup off, didn’t try to look or act perfect, let people see our hearts, even at our worst moments. I’m not saying that I’m ready to do that yet, but what if we all had the courage to do that together? So often I have hidden behind wearing makeup. I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup until I was 16 and I was so mad at my parents for that…I convinced myself that I just wanted the option of looking nice if I wanted too. I said that I would never become that girl who was so reliant on it that she would NEVER go out of the house without it…well, guess what? I kind of turned into that girl….until recently, I would never let people see me without makeup…I hated the thought! Today, I finally had enough courage to go to school and let all of my friends see me without makeup on (my closest friends have seen me without makeup before, but most people have not). It’s still scary for me, if I’m honest, but it makes me feel accomplished that I didn’t back down and throw on at least a little makeup before rushing out of the door this morning. It almost feels freeing. I have a long way to go in order to feel COMFORTABLE doing it, I think….but I did it

But I still have a problem with hiding what’s really going on. When people, except for my two best friends (although sometimes I don’t feel like talking about it to them either) ask me how I am, I always say good. I smile. I ask them how they are. It’s all a lie. I’m not okay, but for some reason, I’m afraid to admit that I don’t have it all together…and I’m not even sure why. I think part of me wants people to just somehow SENSE that I’m really not okay…when I say fine, it’s most likely that I’m not fine

I just wonder what would happen if everyone was real…just for one day. No lies, or half truths. No makeup. No walls. No shutting people out. I am guilty of all of those things and I so very often do not have the courage to let who I really am show. I am not good at vulnerability. It terrifies me. 

I don’t even know if this was very encouraging to anybody…but it made me feel a little bit better! LOL. I would love to hear what you think about all of this (: Thank you for taking the time to join me in {Coffee for your heart}. 


3 thoughts on “{Coffee for your heart} The Mask”

  1. 🙂 Have I ever told you I seriously enjoy reading your posts? Being vulnerable is not easy. I do not like being rejected. When Joshua and I got married he challenged me to stop wearing make up. He knew it was a crutch. I can’t say I am always wonderfully confident- it really helped to reveal what was going on in my heart. Now I wear make up rarely, for fancy occasions or just for fun. It is nice to be free from the feeling of needing to wear it all the time.

  2. I also enjoyed reading your post. It is very freeing to feel confident in your own skin with no makeup. Like Jessica, I like to wear makeup because I want to, not because I feel like I need it. Now the real challenge for me was/ is learning to feel confident during all the stages of pregnancy and postpartum. Motherhood is a beautiful thing, but I’ve had to learn to recognize that I can still be beautiful during all different stages.

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