It has been a long year, but I can’t believe that it is almost over! So much has happened…much of which I probably would not have chosen, if I had the choice. But I didn’t. And I know that I’m becoming a better person because of it. But God is good. He is Sovereign. He knows what He’s doing. Honestly, for most of this year it felt like I didn’t even know what I was doing…what am I doing with my life? Where and what am I supposed to go and do? What is God doing, because I just don’t understand what’s going on right now!!!!
My friend groups changed……..A LOT: God is good
I felt like all that I could do was fail: God is good
I never felt good enough….pretty enough….(and a lot of other things…): God is good
I got really bad at praying and truly spending time alone with God: God forgives me and He is still so good to me.
I felt like God was really telling me to step out of my comfort zones…..
So I applied to go to Haiti to work with Orphans this May and I honestly thought that I had found what God wanted me to do. I never even heard back from them: God is good.
Then I applied to work at Skyview Ranch for this summer and I could really feel God’s leading in this as well, or so I thought. They called me and told me that the job that I had applied for was full but they offered me another job. I had a decision to make. I talked to some people about it and prayed and felt like God was closing that door as well…even though I felt like He had been leading me toward it: but God is good.
At the end of last year I decided to try out for the JV volleyball team, even though I thought that there was absolutely no way that I would make it. I did. God is good!
Today I auditioned for Jubilate. I don’t know the results yet but I really do not think that I will get it. Even though I don’t know if I got in or not, God. is. good.
God has taught me a lot this year. I am so thankful for the amazing people that he has placed in my life that I can talk too about anything and I know that they will always be there for me! I have so much to learn, though. I have been frustrating myself lately…I know, that sounds kind of weird….haha.
My point? I have felt for this whole year (especially this year…I have felt this before this year too a little) that God is telling me to just give everything over to Him…when I say that I so often think of the ‘really BIG stuff’. But that’s not what I should think. That should mean EVERYTHING. That includes what happens next year…with my schedule, what I’m involved in, who my friends will be. So far, both years have looked so very different, which has caused me to be afraid to get close to people…but I can’t let that happen because close relationships are so important, even if that means that sometimes you might get hurt. And God is good. Whether my semester ends up looking like I want it too for next semester or not, I will praise Him. Whether I understand what He’s doing or not, I will praise Him. In the raging storms or peaceful, restful places, I will praise Him. Because it’s not about me. It’s all about Him.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.” ~John 3:30