Just Some Thoughts…

Okay, so…I don’t know if this post will even make any sense. I apologize if it doesn’t haha. But I’ve been sitting here, thinking that I want to write something (actually for my Messy Monday post, because I was too exhausted to yesterday)…but I felt like I just couldn’t. I actually started two different posts for Messy Monday, but none of them was flowing like my writing usually does. And I think it’s because I was trying to make it all come from me. And I never wanted my writing on here to come from me. I’ve written this before, I’m sure, but somehow when I write on here, it isn’t me. I have started writing posts before only to completely turn the subject and the words into something that I never intended to write about. I guess that’s a God-thing, huh?

There have been so many random thoughts running around in my head lately. Thoughts about literally everything. And I’ve had no rest from them. No clear direction in how to deal with everything, how to come to a place of peace and joy in spite of everything that is going on in my head right now. I’ve had this intense feeling like I need to get my thoughts out of my head somehow, in order to deal with them. But I’m not sure how to do that. I’ve thought of different creative outlets that I could use…songwriting (which hasn’t been going all that great recently), writing, talking…truth is, I’m tired of thinking so much. I’m tired of not even knowing what to think anymore. But I also haven’t had that break-through moment yet where it all suddenly pours out of me. Sure, that will probably cause pain, but it’s not like I’m not in pain now, right? And I bet there will be relief and happiness after all of that feeling, right? I long for the day when I can look back at this time and see what God was doing. See that God had finally heard me and brought me out of this. I long for a day when I can finally say that everything makes sense now. I long for a day when I stop destroying myself with my own thoughts and when true happiness finally returns.

Yesterday I was pretty tired. Because I think I got a heat stroke or something two days ago. So, I was tired of working through my earth science homework that was due Monday night, but I was trying to get it done Sunday night. I took one test. I could take it again, but I thought that I hadn’t run in a little while (since the beginning of the week, I think), so I decided to take a break from earth science and run a little bit. At first I was thinking maybe a couple miles, since I hadn’t run in a little while. But then I decided that I wanted to beat my old record of running 5 miles. So I changed, put on my Nike running shoes, quickly drank a small cup of water, plugged in my iphone, and headed off with the determination to run 6 miles. And when I put my mind to something, I make sure it happens, even if it almost kills me. It was in the middle of the afternoon and when I started, I didn’t really think it was all that hot. But a lot of the route that I decided to run that day was in the sun. There were trees covering that bike path every now and then, but there were long stretches that were out in the sun. At least I got to work on my tan, right?! Haha. It was hot. The run probably would not have been that bad, except I was dying for water and it was super hot. I eventually got back from my 6 mile run. My time was horrible. I felt terrible for the amount of time I had to walk. But I was so hot and thirsty. I got back and I drank water. Then I got a headache. I tried to do more earth science, but then I decided to relax a little bit as I ate something. Then I fell asleep. For almost 2 hours. Then I woke up when my Dad asked me if I wanted something to eat. So I went downstairs and grabbed a piece of warmed-up pizza. I ate that, then went back upstairs. All of my energy was drained. I tried to sleep by about 10:30, which I don’t normally do. All that to say, I felt terrible…yesterday there were moments when I felt completely drained and exhausted as well. Don’t do that to yourself. Ever. Haha.

Anyway, just a few completely random thoughts. I felt like I had to write today, though. I doubt this post even made much sense haha But as I said, I just felt like I needed to write…something!

#WednesdayWorkoutBlog |YourMind|

Today’s Topic: Your Mind

yourmind

I’ve heard another quote that goes something like this: Your body can do anything, it’s your mind that you have to convince.

For those of you who have been running for a while, probably know that this is so true. Your body really is capable of so much more than you think. I ran 5 MILES the other day. Maybe that’s your warm up. Maybe that distance seems like way too hard for you. Wherever you are on that scale, I know that you have a goal in mind that in some of your moods seems reachable, but some days it seems totally unreachable and crazy. For me, 5 miles is a big deal. I’m working on going past that someday soon. But for me, the girl who always hated running. Who always talked herself out of running if it was below 60 and above 75 or something like that. Who NEVER ran when conditions were less than perfect, like rain, and DEFINITELY not snow! I have run when it was in the 30s. I reached 5 miles. I have made progress. There have definitely been some bad days, especially recently, but I have made a lot of progress, too. The other day I was bummed at myself because I only ran 2.5 miles, which was really bad for me. But then I remembered that several months ago, 2.5 miles was a lot. Somewhere along the struggle, I actually got better. I can run farther. Faster. Not at my goal yet, but I’m headed in that direction.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that it is possible…even what you think is impossible…really is possible. Maybe not all at once. Not yet. But you are headed in the right direction and you will get there! I had doubts that day that I ran 5 miles. I started off strong and told myself that I just had to get past mile 3 (because that is the roughest mile for me…2 is kind of a struggle and 3 is the longest and hardest for me, then it gets easier), then I’ll feel like I can run anything. That was actually kind of true. After mile 3 it did seem easier. And I was determined to beat my previous longest distance, which was around 4.5 I think. When you doubt yourself, that’s when you’ll feel like stopping. Your mind will tell you to stop trying so hard. Your mind will tell you to give up before your body gives up. Doubts will come during your runs, especially if you’re striving to beat your personal records, whether that’s distance or time or whatever you set your mind to. But the real accomplishments come when you tell your mind to simply shut up. When you let your determination and will continue to carry you through until even you are looking at yourself wondering, “How in the world did I even do that?!”

One of the best feelings for me was getting home after running 5 miles. I looked back from where I’ve been on my running journey. All of the extremely difficult moments. Some “easy” runs. Where I’ve come from and how far that I have gotten. I felt so proud of myself that I did what I thought was impossible. You can feel that way too.

I think it’s about discipline. I’m not the best at this myself, so I feel kind of like a hypocrite writing this. Just know that I am writing this to myself, as much as to you. It all comes down to the reason why you’re running in the first place. If you don’t know the answer to that, you really should stop and think about it. Because if you aren’t telling yourself those reasons often, it is more than likely that you will quit.

Your body is capable of so much. It really is your mind that you need to convince.

You know what I love most about running (or, one think I really like, anyway)? Whenever I think about running and motivations, etc., I can’t help but think about how those same things relate to the rest of my life. Running has made me see that I am capable of so much more than I think I am! I dream a dream and eventually, I can reach it, with enough work, effort, persistence, and consistency. Doubts will come. I may be my only cheerleader. The drive has to come from me, and me alone. But I have the talent, the potential, the passion…and I can and will get there. There are setbacks. Tears. Frustration. But when I finally get to one goal, I look back and where I have been and how far I have come and I can feel SO proud of myself for everything that I have been through and everything that has tried to tear me down and tear me apart, and it has only succeeded in making me stronger than I was before. Then I look around, enjoy the view for a little while, then get right back up towards my next goal. It takes discipline. Skill. Toughness. Determination. Motivation. Drive. Because at times, it will seem like everything and maybe even everyone is against you…but you really can do the impossible, if you set your mind to it!

What is your next goal for your running journey?

What is your next goal for your life?

What are you going to do about it?

You’re capable. You have everything that you need to succeed. It just might take a little (or a lot) of time and effort. But keep going. You’ll get there! ❤

#MessyMonday |ToLiveIsAnAdventure|

to live

I don’t pretend for all of my words to be eloquent and to even make sense all of the time. But this series is called #MessyMondays, because I am a mess, you are probably a mess, but these are encouraging words for your mondays!

Maybe we have this living thing all wrong. What if being truly alive, means having a wonderful adventure? I realize that not everyone dreams of having huge, grand adventures and travels…but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive to enjoy your life! And for those of us who are just dying to be given permission to dream big, I would encourage you to do it. Maybe you have been searching for a big, wonderful adventure your whole life. You have been dying to dream big dreams for your life but it seems like every time you timidly stuck your foot out in that direction, somebody came along and squashed your hope and your fire. Eventually you gave up. Outwardly you gave up, anyway. Inside, though, there was a fire that nobody could touch. You have just been searching for someone to bring you out of hiding and affirm the dreams that you have held in your heart for so long and tell you to… “Go ahead! Dream Big…reach out for it!” My words don’t really mean much. Ha, I don’t even know if anyone reads these, much less will accept my words as permission to step out into scary, uncharted waters.

Well, if you don’t believe ME, maybe you’ll believe God!

I believe that He wants to tell your beautiful, striving heart something tonight. Something wonderful. Something passionate. Something that you have longed to hear for so, so long. Well, be still, Dear One, because I believe that He has words that He wants you to listen to.

This morning I posted this on facebook:

I think I am called to dream big, because if I DON’T, what does that say about what I believe about God? Refusing to dream big is limiting God to what we can see happening. But, if we fully let go of control and our need to SEE what is happening, we lose the limits that we have “set” on God and we are now free to dream big and stand back and watch Him work in ways we once thought was impossible!

Maybe God wants you to sit still for a few minutes. Take a few minutes from the business of life. And whisper words of love and hope into your heart. Maybe He wants to say…

I made you for more than this life that you have been living, and I think you know that.

I know that you are terrified to dream big, because it is scary…and definitely not safe! People don’t approve. They tell you that it is not realistic and that it won’t happen.

Trust Me! Don’t limit me to what you can see or think about. I am limitless. Dare to dream as big as you would like!

I created you with a massive amount of potential that I am just waiting for you to discover for yourself!

What if you have been alive, but not really…living?! What about thriving? Yes, right where you’re at. Right now. For the record, I don’t think dreaming of an adventurous life means leaving where you are right now and chasing some dream that is crazy. It doesn’t necessarily meaning spontaneously picking up everything you own and moving. Maybe it’s more of an attitude. An attitude to decide that you’re going to live an adventurous life right where you’re at. An attitude of positivity that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be at the moment.

But don’t get so busy everyday that you forget to really, truly live. Do something you enjoy doing, just because. Spend special time with Jesus in a way that you can really connect with him. And remember, Adventure is out there! #MessyMondays

#WednesdayWorkoutBlog |JustDoIt|

Okay, so I should have posted this yesterday…and I planned to, but then I got busy and I forgot. So, here’s this week’s Wednesday Workout Blog (on Thursday!).

So anyway, I decided that I wanted to attempt at starting a new Blogging series for Wednesdays (as you’ve probably guessed by now).

Today’s Topic: Just Do It!

Just do it

Okay, so… what do you think of when you hear those words, or see something like this? Nike, probably pops into our minds, since that’s their slogan. But what does it really mean? When you first heard that phrase years ago, maybe you thought it meant that it’s easy. Because, c’mon, just do it already!

But, that’s not the case.

Phrases like this motivates me. Because it is hard. Running is hard. Toning your body is hard. Having enough drive to not only start, but keep you going the whole time is hard. But what about that feeling when it’s all over? Your lungs are burning. You’re super sweaty. All you can think about is water. But then…you realize what you just did. You smile because you didn’t think you could do it…but you just did it!

For me, I always hated running. I played soccer when I was younger up until Junior Year. Freshman year & Sophomore year, training got a little more intense (than it was when I was little, of course), so I had to start running a little bit because of that. At that point, though, I could barely run over a mile or two, maybe. Obviously in soccer you run a lot, but I was okay with that because it gave me a purpose to run…I saw no purpose in just running to run! I didn’t enjoy it…in fact, I hated it. Then Junior Year of high school, I switched to volleyball. So I pretty much stopped running all together, since you technically didn’t need to FOR volleyball. I couldn’t see why anyone would want to run or how they could enjoy it. I wished I liked it and wished I could do what they could do. But I had tried multiple times over the years to start running and keep it up but, for some reason or another, I always quit again (usually in the winter because it was “too cold”…) But then Junior year of college, my boyfriend (who wasn’t my boyfriend yet) started running. I was glad he was doing it, but I still didn’t see the need for me to do it. I kind of have it in my genes to naturally be skinny, as long as I don’t go out and eat whatever I want. But then I started running. I don’t even remember why. Or how. I ran by myself because I thought I was terrible and didn’t want anybody else to see how out of shape I was. I started running longer, or faster. Then Christmas break came…and I stopped running again for that whole time (mostly because I was sick for most of break…and it was cold…and I made excuses). I had gotten up to 4.3 miles before Christmas break. Then it was very difficult for me to get back into running again. I tried, but it was a difficult semester anyway, and I kind of let my “failure” of not running as far or fast as I wanted to tear me down and stop me from trying harder and challenging myself. I eventually got back up to running 3 miles, I think it was, by the time the semester ended. By this time my boyfriend and I had started running together. He helped push me farther than I thought I could go, but I hated him seeing how out of shape I really was. Summer came. He left for the summer. This summer, running has been difficult to keep consistent at times. Life gets busy. I get tired, or can’t find a good time to run when it’s not too hot but not dark yet. But somehow, I exceeded the limitations that I thought I had. I did what I thought was impossible! The longest that I have run so far is 5 miles, but I don’t intend to stop there! If someone had told me even a few months ago that I would be running 5 miles at a time, with the desire to run farther and faster, I would have laughed at you because I thought that was impossible. All I know is, God gives you strength. And there is something absolutely amazing about doing more than you think is ever possible for you to do! When I come home after a long run, I can barely breathe and I’m all sweaty and gross, but I am smiling because I am so proud that I just did the impossible!

Also, what is my impossible right now, might not be what your impossible is right now.

What is your impossible?

Make that your next goal. And don’t tear yourself down if you don’t reach it on the very day that you want to. There were times when I set goal lengths or times for my runs, and I didn’t quite make it…either it was too hot, or I started listening to the voice in my head saying that I couldn’t do it, or something else happened. But that’s okay, because it just gives you that much more of a reason to try even harder tomorrow!

And remember, even though it’s hard. Even though it’s impossible… JUST DO IT ❤

I will Choose…

Choose-Joy

I have been so intent on changing into the woman that I should be, that I lost sight of so many things.

I forgot that who I am right now is important too.

I forgot that who I am right now is part of my story that, although is not necessarily a pleasant part of my life, God is shaping my story to fit in with his plan.

I forgot….HIS timing, not mine.

What I wanted was good. I wanted to grow as a person and grow closer to God this summer. How is that a bad desire? As I was spending time with Jesus this morning, I kept that question in the back of my mind. But somewhere as I was writing words about trusting God and having peace through this time that is confusing for me, out of nowhere I wrote…

“Change is coming…and not on my clock.”

That kind of came out of nowhere, as I said. I can’t really say I heard God say this to me, but somehow I found my pen writing this out…I think that is how God often speaks to me…he uses my own hand to write words from himself.

One of the biggest desires that I had this summer was to change (pretty much completely) by the time next semester comes around. I mean, I understand that changing is a process, but that’s a long time, right? My greatest fear was going back to school and being the same that I was last year. Same struggles. Same attitude. Same outlook on life. This morning, I had to give Him that desire too. And it is a good desire. But I think He wants those desires, too. He wants to change me into the woman that I should be…I know that He does…just not on MY time table. Not my timing, God, but yours. I don’t think that means that no change will happen between now and when next semester starts, but I do think He is telling me that it won’t all happen magically and as quickly as I wanted it to.

This summer has been difficult for me so far. Besides missing certain people like crazy, I have had to come to terms with some things about myself and God. I have had to lay down more and more desires, even the good ones that I had, with the right intentions. But even through all of this mess, and confusion…

I will choose joy.

I will choose peace.

I will choose to love where I am at.

I will choose to trust You, God, even when I can’t see your plan. Even when I can’t see your hand on my life, because I KNOW that it is there.

I will choose You!

God wants our desires…even the ones that we think maybe we have already given to Him…even the ones that we are positive line up with what He wants for us…even the good ones and the ones that we have good intentions about. “Change is coming…just not on my clock.” I will choose trust.

tumblr_mloujrBqnW1s2948io1_500

He is Already {Victorious}!

It seems like we are pretty much always in a season of waiting…waiting for something, huh? At least it does right now…although I think that that is just something that comes with being around this age…we’re waiting for direction, wondering about and dreaming about the future, looking for jobs and trying to figure out what we even want to do with our lives, waiting for God to bring that great guy into our lives… the waiting doesn’t stop. Sometimes we wonder if we’re ever going to get out of this season of waiting…we wonder if God is ever actually going to show up!

Sometimes our hearts cry out to God and we want to trust Him with our WHOLE hearts, body, soul, and mind…but something keeps holding us back.

Stop letting fears hold you back and stop worrying so much!

I don’t know about you, but fears have a way of holding me back. Holding me back from loving others and letting others love me. Hold me back from trusting in God completely. Deep inside me, I know that I am not in control of anything in my life and that God has everything in control…but something keeps holding me back from fully believing that…and living a life that trusts that God is working out my present and my future and I don’t have to worry about any of that!

In times of intense fear and worrying, remember {Matthew 6:25-34}

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
If we truly lived out those verses, we would thank God for everything that He has done for us…and then start living lives of faith and understand that God has our future all planned out and everything really will work out!
A couple more verses that I really like on this subject are {Proverbs 3:5-6} and {Philippians 4:6-7}.
Remember what He has done! 
What has God done for you in the past? Do you remember a time when he absolutely showed up for you? Never forget those times. When we read through the stories of the Israelites in the Old Testament, we wonder how in the world they forget the faithfulness of God so easily and quickly and how they don’t remember the amazing things that God JUST did for them. But…then we do the same thing.
Even on the hard days (actually, especially on the hard days), remember what He has done in the past. Remember that He has come through for you when you didn’t think He would…and He can, and probably will, again! And if He doesn’t, or if something totally unexpected happens, He has an even better plan for you…you just might have to wait a little bit longer to see what it is (as hard as that is!)
PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to pray sometimes? Especially when your life is just rough…and you have no idea what God is up to. Sometimes you are hurt, confused, lost, and just…broken. But have you ever thought that maybe God wants to hear that from you too? When you don’t know what to say to Him, tell him that. Tell him that you’re so confused, but that you have resolved to trust him anyway. Tell him that you see no way out of your brokenness, but that you know that he can deliver you if He chooses to.
Pray. Every day. Prayer is more powerful than you know.
Dream Big!
People tell you to be realistic with your dreams. But what’s the fun in that? How are you supposed to see God working everything out if you don’t even have enough courage to dream things that you could NEVER do on your own? I believe that God wants us to dream Big so that we can see Him work in our lives!
Never forget to worship
We think to worship when everything is going great in our lives. When our lives seem to head out in a positive direction where we can see sooo far down the road. But what about the confusing times? What about those times when we are hurt, scared, depressed, sad, nervous, worried, feel alone?
What if life isn’t just about waiting to worship until life is great?
“But life isn’t about waiting for the victory—for the marriage, for the job, for the success, for the family—it’s about realizing that over every moment in our lives, He is already victorious. Right now—through the struggle, through the pain, through the loneliness, through the chaos, through the wait—He has already won, and He’s moving us in that glorious direction. No matter where I am, I want a life that’s marked not by waiting, but by worshiping. He deserves that and so much more.”

That’s my prayer. That’s who I want to be someday. And I will dare to dream big enough to believe that He will change that in me.
If you have some extra time, take a few minutes to read this article:
That is why I wrote today and where I got some of the points that I wanted to talk about…and the last quote was from there as well. I wish you all the best on your very own journey of figuring out what this looks like in your own personal life, for you.