#MessyMonday |The Battle Is Strong| {But you are STRONGER!}

{How about a #MessyMONDAY post on Friday, huh?! hahaha}

This morning while I was in class, my boyfriend facebook messaged me (while he was in class) something that his bible prof said. He said:

“The spirit will come to you when you start to write the words of God” – Dr. Kimble

And King sent that to me because of when I used to write what I called ‘love letters’ from God. I haven’t done that in a while, but maybe I should pick that back up again because I do believe that that statement really is true!

I don’t know about you, but I find that it is easy to not ‘feel’ God’s presence. To lose sight of what is important to Him. To think that the Spirit isn’t drawing near to us and isn’t here.

There is definitely a battle happening here. For me. Right now.

Last year was by far the most difficult year that I had ever had. I was struggling with depression. I was struggling with relationships. I realized really for the first time how many unresolved issues that I have to start dealing with. Second semester my school credit load definitely picked up a lot as well. To put it lightly, I felt like I was drowning, but I could see everyone else breathing and laughing and having a great time. And as hard as I tried, I couldn’t swim over to them. I felt something…someone continually pulling me down and away from the people that could have pointed me towards finding healing, peace, restoration, and happiness.

I had high hopes for this year as I stepped onto Campus as a Senior (pt. o n e). I was excited to build new relationships and really focus on enjoying relationships more and on a deeper level than before. I was excited to see how God could deeper my relationship with my boyfriend. I was excited for the volleyball season. And I was excited that I only had 13 credits. I felt much more at peace. I had thought through a lot this summer, and I felt like I was at a much better place than I was when I left Junior year [way] behind me. And I still believe that that is true. I am at a better place than I was last year, thanks to what God has done and shown me and spoken to me about this summer. But I’m definitely not there yet. And something that I’ve been thinking a lot about recently is that…

Maybe Satan is fighting for me to stay exactly where I was last semester.

I’ve never thought too much about whether Satan is fighting against me (or God either, really) before, but what if that’s true? Maybe He wants me to stay where I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually, because that’s a victory in his book. If he can keep me from making to much forward motion and keeping me in a place of sadness, depression, etc., maybe he has won. It’s more of a battle, coming back here with all of these people and this physical place and STILL being in school, than I thought it would be. But I’ve never been a girl to give up easily, and this is certainly no exception. I told myself before this semester started that I would never go back to that. I would continue to make better choices, when it came to responses to circumstances (and people), in particular. I wouldn’t get so stressed out. I would focus on relationships. I would be confident in how I play volleyball and how I look and how other’s see me (or rather I just wouldn’t care so much and I would just assume that they like me and that they are telling me the truth whenever they say something nice about me). That can still happen. So, maybe I didn’t have a great start (well, I did, but this week was rough). I can’t let Satan win. I can’t let him keep me in the same unhealthy place that I was last year/semester.

I want to live healthy. Happy. Fulfilled. Beautiful. I want to be that girl. And I still can.

And so can you!

I don’t know your story. But maybe you’ve wondered the same thing, either in the past or right now. You can be healthy, happy, fulfilled, beautiful (and other healthy terms that you want to be!). And I want to blog more and challenge myself (and, obviously YOU too!!) about what it means to live that kind of light. Maybe this is all that God is asking us to do right now:

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only TO BE SILENT.” {Exodus 14:14}

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