{Love Letters} Live now.

I have given you a lot to do. You’re a college student. You love people and you love being with people and having fun. Then, you got sick. For two weeks. You got behind in a couple projects and assignments. You lost focus. Again. Thoughts from your past keep popping up at random times, keeping you guessing and wondering what is going on and when you’ll be completely healed from everything. You think you are. Then someone brings up the topic…and you could rant about it forever. You find yourself getting upset about it easily. You’re scared to death of certain people asking you “how are you” or “how was your day” or something similar, because you know they mean it and you know that you will start crying. And the worst part is, you’re not even sure why you would start crying. You just know that you’re on the verge of crying when someone actually cares about how you’re doing, because you’re tired. Tired of smiling and convincing others (as well as yourself) that you’re okay and that everything is fine. For some reason, everything is just off. You’re not even sure why or what happened. But you know that you have unfinished business from your past that you have yet to deal with and work through.

I know. Trust me, Child, I know. I see you. I see your heart. I see how hard you’re trying.

All you want to do is to be able to live fully right now, where you’re at. You want to learn how to live life to it’s fullest right now. Even when things are crazy. And stress is potential and right at the surface. And nothing is going right. And you’re confused. And you feel exhausted and like crying. Because it will always be like that. Life is going to be crazy sometimes (a lot of the time, probably). Life is never going to be perfect and you know that you can’t wait to truly start living life to the fullest until life is great and perfect and wonderful. Because that’s just not going to happen and if you keep waiting for that to happen, you’re never going to be completely happy or fulfilled or satisfied.

Live how I want you to now. Among the mess. The imperfect. The crazy.

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