It’s a thing called…

Stress.

Ever heard of it? Oh, you’re a college student too? Yeah, stress is MY best friend too…

I am so tired of feeling stressed and worried, because it seems to be constantly wasting my life away. I hate feeling like I’m wasting my life. I do feel like that is happening. Because I’m not happy with where I’m at at the moment. How awful is that…because one day, maybe I really will miss these moments that I so often take for granted now. Well, college won’t last forever, even though it seems like it will. These friends that I always have around me every single day won’t always be here, all together. In fact, I probably won’t see most of these people ever again. So what am I doing about that?! Shouldn’t I be completely focused on how I can impact their lives to help them grow closer to Christ while I still can? Shouldn’t I constantly be trying to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ because I love them, with no other motives or wishes, no matter how tired and exhausted I am? Shouldn’t I never give up on trying to build relationships with certain people around me?

The problem is, I start with great intentions. I love encouraging people. I love talking with people about life.

But then I get tired. And frustrated. And stressed. And just…completely burned out. And then I shut down. I shut people out. I spend every ounce of energy that I can (which isn’t very much these days…) just trying to get through the day. It’s a ‘good’ day if I can just make it to all of my classes these days. All of this time, I hate myself when I spend a little too much time ‘relaxing’ (because I know it isn’t deserved) or I watch a little too much TV, without working hard all day for that relaxing time. I hate myself when yet another day goes by when I made excuses for why I don’t have enough time to work out today…so I don’t. I hate myself when I take out all of my crap on the people that I love the most, which means the people that I never want to hurt, never want them to have to deal with this too. If only I could get out of my own way…a better life HAS to exist out there!

I’m tired of hating myself…for what I do (or, more often, DON’T do…), what I say or don’t say, how I encourage people (or wish for others to encourage me so when they don’t, I don’t see the point in making the effort to encourage them…), how I make time for people or I wait for someone to contact me, or just in general time management. What I actually spend my time on and that, if I don’t intentionally run the day, the day WILL run me!

This is why I have been talking so much about a #healthyhappybeautiful lifestyle lately. I actually intend to write a book on this subject, which I have started, but I know it will be a painfully slow process. I’m still trying to figure out what all of this means for me in my personal life and if I’m not doing what I say we all should be doing, I can’t exactly write about it yet, right?

But I want a healthy, happy and beautiful life. I really do! I think living a healthy lifestyle has so much to do with nutritious eating and working out…but it also has so much more potential than that! I think part of it is positive self-talk and positive thoughts in general (towards yourself, God, and others), learning how to manage your time and balance all of your life (whether that means making yourself work on homework during a certain couple hours of the afternoon, no matter how you feel, or just learning how to balance work, homework, classes, friends/social life, finances, etc. and what that means for YOU personally), knowing when it really is okay to just relax and to even have some unhealthy foods (as long as it doesn’t become a habit or something you crave or something you’re addicted too)…I think this healthy, happy lifestyle really does affect every single area of your life and I really REALLY want to be at the place where I can say, “I’m there! I am living a healthy, happy and beautiful life! I can tell you how I did it and now I have some answers that I can finally give so hopefully others can make this life happen for them so much sooner than I could!”

Will that ever actually come true? I don’t know…but here’s to hoping it will! Maybe part of this ‘life’ that I’m talking about partly comes with accountability. On instagram (which is connected to Facebook as well) I started a #100happydays series, which I have seen many others post about lately. I like the idea. I’m really REALLY hoping that I can continue through this series in an attempt to see the little blessings in each and every day and realize that there really IS something good (no matter how small) in EACH and every day and there is a reason to be happy in every single day! Who knows, maybe I’ll even go beyond 100 days (I hope so!). But 100 days of small happiness, captured through photos (hopefully semi artistic photos) and thoughtful captions (which may become rather long captions because of my true-writer’s heart), is what I am aiming for at the moment. Who knows, maybe this is a small step that I need to take in order to work towards my #healthyhappybeautiful life.

Please, Lord…help me be able to make improvements on my life. Please help me figure out what works for me in every area of my life so that I really CAN live a healthy life, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. That is my desire, God. Because right now, I am completely unhappy with myself, which is pretty much the worst feelings EVER. I’m tired of it. I hate feeling burned out and weary and weak. I want to be physically fit, emotionally strong, spiritually close to you, mentally tough! I just need help getting there. There are so many areas I think need fixing, that I don’t even know where to start! I know I need to slow down a little and know that the results won’t come fast. But that doesn’t mean I should quit…because that means the results won’t come at all! Please help me and every other person who feels this way.

#healthyhappybeautiful #smiles #laughter #beYOUtiful #justdoit #icandothisandsocanyou

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2 thoughts on “It’s a thing called…”

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