Captivating

What keeps your from believing that you are Captivating and beautiful? What is stopping you from living confidently and rocking new outfits that you know you look great in? Why is it so hard for you to buy something that you think you look good in, wait, do you even think it looks good on you? Or do you always need someone else to say it looks good, but even then you have trouble believing and trusting that they are telling the truth.

What makes your heart ache so much you can actually physically feel the ache? Does it have something to do with someone you are closed to…or used to be close to? What is haunting you from your past that is keeping you locked in chains and refusing to give you the freedom that you soul is seeking?

Is it something from you childhood? Did someone hurt you, possibly even someone you love very much, but you haven’t been able to forgive them for? Have you parents not been who you needed them to be growing up? Were they not expressive enough when it comes to telling you they love you, are proud of you, respect you, that you are beautiful? Did they not listen to you and expect you to respect them and obey them, no matter what? Is it a deeply-rooted wound from a friendship situation, whether it happened years and years ago or simply a year or so ago? Is it a different situation that tore you apart from the inside out, such as depression, anxiety, or suffocating fear. Are you tearing yourself apart every day and do you feel so far gone that you don’t even know where to begin to build yourself back up, or how to even let others and God in to help and mend what has been broken?

What thoughts & feelings are comfortable and safe for you? Maybe, positive thoughts are your first instinct. {If so, I’m jealous…} But maybe, negative thoughts are the only ones that ever seem to pop up in your head and heart. Maybe it even seems impossible to truly think positively and good thoughts about yourself. I love what John & Stasi Eldredge says in Captivating:

“When we camp our hearts in self-doubt, condemning thoughts, or even shame because those emotions have become familiar and comfortable, we are faithlessly indulging rather than allowing our deep ache to draw us to God.” {p. 58}

I know that I am a victim of this way of thinking. Negative self-doubt comes so easy to me, especially recently. These are the chains that keep dragging me down. As soon as I feel as though I can finally start to feel a little freedom from this, I again feel the cold metal against my skin, reminding me who I truly believe that I am. That I am stuck here forever. That I will never truly find freedom from these circles of self-doubt, self-hatred, self-worthlessness, and a tainted view of who I am and self-perception.

It’s interesting to think that these things, too, can become a safe place. For me, it is easy for me to live in that space, even though I hate it and loathe it with everything I am. I hate being here, but at the same time, it’s comfortable and safe for me because I’m so used to it. For me, thinking good self-thoughts and positive self-thoughts is stepping way out of my comfort zone. It’s scary and it takes a lot of hard work which I am not really prepared for. I don’t have enough energy for. So I reside to what I know. What I am used to. Definitely not the best version of myself. Definitely not what God wants for me.

What is it for you?

“Where do you go instead of to God when the ache of your heart begins to make itself known?” Captivating, p. 58

Which addiction do you turn to for help, instead of the steadfast love and comfort of Christ? Is it something destructive for your health, either obviously or not so much? Self-destruction is also terrible for your health. It doesn’t have to be physical.

God is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is merciful. And He loves us so, so, SO much!!

Psalms 86:15 “But you, O Lord, are a God  merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;  his mercies never come to an end; they are new  every morning; great is your faithfulness.

There is truth, beauty, love, confidence, relationships, and so many other things that our hearts long and ache for hereNOW. We just need to be looking for these things in the right place and stop hiding from what is good and best because we are afraid of it. Let’s be Captivating!

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