Process {Mexico, Part one}

 

As most of you probably already know, I just returned from Mexico a few days ago. I went there on a missions trip over my spring break to serve at a Spiritual Emphasis Camp in Puebla, Mexico where we basically did whatever needed to be done.

Usually this includes being a camp counselor, and then being a part of different teams in the areas of our interests and skill sets. I went to the same camp last year, as well, so it was fun (as well as interesting) going back a second time!

Last year I really enjoyed myself. It was my first time out of the country and also my first time on a missions trip. And I loved being able to serve the kids there and build some relationships. I was a camp counselor as well as a photographer and on the worship team for chapel.

This year, a lot had changed. Looking back now, it was so so good and I really enjoyed it and I miss it terribly. But everything (pretty much) changed. When I got there, I found out that I was not a counselor, which completely threw me for a loop because that’s the one thing that I really thought I was doing for sure. I found out that we were doing music for the Elementary camp, but some other people were doing worship for the whole high school camp. The whole schedule had changed. We now had chapel, or chapel activities all morning, which was really different. After breakfast, we had what was called a ‘morning charge’, which introduced the theme for the day, then we broke up into our specific groups to participate in ‘initiatives’, which were basically games to get you thinking about the theme for the day.

Day one of being in Mexico was a terrible day for me. It was Saturday and the kids weren’t coming until later in the afternoon. But I found out that I wasn’t counselor and my heart sank. I asked God why I was even there. Was there even any point in me being there? I mean, I didn’t even have enough money to actually come on this trip this year…I didn’t get anywhere near fully funded (a little under 50% by the time we left the U.S.) and my parents didn’t have the money and I DEFINITELY didn’t have the money! So why did I make this sacrifice to come here when I have no idea how I’m going to pay it off and there’s literally no point in me even being there….

Also that day, an event happened that brought up TONS of wounds and stuff from my past. I was tired and grumpy and sad and annoyed. Eventually I just took a nap for about an hour (on the first day, before the kids had even arrived!). I woke up at 4, which is when I was pretty sure the kids were about to come. I had no desire to get up and I definitely didn’t even wanna see anyone (well, good luck with that because you literally can’t escape from people while at camp…that doesn’t work too well haha). So I made myself get up and go out and see people. I didn’t even want to be at camp anymore.

*****

God broke down a lot of my walls this week. I think He is in the process of changing me as I attempt to process all that happened this week and all I thought about, etc. Some of it was hard. Some of it was more amazing than anything I’ve ever experienced. I made life-long friends. God taught me much. And I just started to think about what He has done in my life in that one little week! [There will be more later!]

 

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