It is hard for us to have hope, those of us who have been through or are going through depression or anxiety. During this time of life, Satan literally sucks the life out of you.
Tells you lies, which you readily believe, and treasure, in your weakened state.
His greatest fear is hope, because where there is hope, there is a little flicker of life left. He hasn’t won. And he knows, deep down, that he won’t win!
So he attacks even harder next time.
Break down those walls.
Expose your vulnerability
Leave you feeling alone, and desperate.
But I think there is something that the Enemy forgot to consider. When your protective walls are torn down and you are left kneeling, vulnerability, and weak…that’s when the healing comes.
Our defense mechanisms. GONE.
Our walls. CRUMBLED.
No more hiding, no more pretending. What is left? Our true self!
Yes, at first glance we see the broken, scattered pieces. At first we feel our thin shaky breaths, too afraid to breathe louder, afraid someone might notice us. At first we try to scramble around, grabbing onto the shattered pretense we once hid behind, too afraid to leg go. Because, as horrible as ‘that’ place was, at least it was KNOWN. Comfortable. We had grown used to it. We hated it, but it had become our security blanket. Our excuse. Our place of hiding. We don’t remember to act as we used to, so we chose to act as we believed the person we had become. There was no changing this now. What has happened to us was too deep! There are too many scars. Too many unspoken thoughts, feelings, fears.
Scared it might come back, cowering right where the Devil wants us.
And worse of all, believing that this is where we are supposed to be. This is who I have become and who I will always be. Maybe God punished me, and maybe he didn’t…but what does it matter? This is who I am now and how my life will always be.
The sky always appears grey. The rain comes, light or heavy, as everyone else stands in brilliant sunshine and beauty. The simplest of tasks wear you down. The broken shards always threatening to pierce through your worn out skin at any moment, making you steer clear of any signs of vulnerability, passion, meaning, life.
Somewhere, you feel a flicker. It’s sharp, and intense, but it doesn’t hurt. It’s a feeling you are not used to. You ignore it. But it is persistent. It returns, with greater force. Maybe this…maybe this is what you’re looking for! Maybe this is what they speak of.
When the darkness suffocates us.
When the waves drown us.
When the fears surround us.
Something, or someone, else is out there.
Maybe the flicker. This stirring within me. This feeling.