One step forward.

I am sitting here at Tim Hortans, because the internet has been out at my house all day! 😦 And I wanted to write a blog post before I won’t be able to probably for at least a month! I am leaving to go work at camp from July 8th-August 13th, and I won’t have access to my phone or laptop for most of that time, so I may toy around with blog ideas, but won’t be able to post them until later when I come back home!

As I was sitting here, I was trying to think of a phrase that just MIGHT describe my summer thus far. My summer has been…interesting. In summers past, I have not really had that much going on. But at least I had a job throughout every month. Not full time, ever, but at least it was a job! This summer, I had three different parts, each one month of the summer.

Month One | The month where my boyfriend and I are together! We don’t have a lot of money to do things, and he has to finish up his internship so he did that during several of the days. But we saw each other for quite a bit of time each day, and we even went to cedar point and a couple other places while he was here! We both didn’t have too much going on, except his internship. And I was busy with photography research, trying to boost my photography business as much as I could during this month. I scrapbooked, some. I hung out with King, mostly. We both chilled a lot. May 2016.

Month Two | Besides a brief orientation week and a half (which seemed sooooo much longer than that!), I was home alone. King stayed to work at the camp, where I am going to join him tomorrow! Not too many of my friends are here right now. My best friend was busy for a lot of this month, besides the weekends sometimes. And besides her, there are only a few other people that I am close to that are still around here during the summer. This month has been one of extreme thinking, feeling, reading, expanding, and growth. I am BEYOND thankful for the amazing people who have been there for me as I talked about what has been going on in my life lately! You all helped me a lot ❀ ❀ June 2016.

Month Three | The next month is one of a new kind of adventure! See my instagram post to learn more about what I am doing at camp, etc.!! πŸ™‚ July 2016.

I picked ‘one step forward’ as my title and summary of what is going on this summer, because I think this life is about taking one step forward, even if that step is tiny, which most of mine are… For me, this means attempting to get back on track with my goals and habits that I slipped out of. And wading through the feelings of hurt, pain, confusion, doubt, sadness, hopelessness with hope all at the same time, deep wounds, frustrations, and so much more.

As I mentioned, this month has been one of extreme growth…at least, I hope that’s true. I know a heck of a lot has been going on, mostly inside my heart…things that I don’t yet understand, but I have faith that I one day will. But the point is about taking that step forward anyway. Sometimes without knowing the outcome. Actually, almost ALL the time without knowing the outcome! But sometimes you have no idea what will come of it, or WORSE, you know it will turn out badly…but you also know that it really is what is best for you.

For me, without going into all of the details at the moment, one of the hardest decisions and actions that I have EVER made/done, was also, without a doubt, the BEST thing I have EVER done. There are still “negative” repercussions, almost a year later. But, because I went with a healthier choice for me personally, for emotional, mental, and most importantly spiritual reasons, I am much happier and I am at peace with my choice. That is one step forward. Hard? Yes, of course. Still causes some sort of pain? Yes, sadly…but I don’t regret that choice for one single second.

This month has been marked with working through my feelings. Discovering that what I’m feeling matters. That I matter. And that I truly do have people here for me, who WANT to talk with me and live life with me! Learning that feeling our way back up from lying facedown on the arena floor, is the ONLY way to truly start LIVING…especially here, while still trying to stand up. Not lying facedown any longer, but I’m not standing or running or anything like that. It’s faulting steps. It’s hesitant, still not sure if I can trust myself, although other people have said that I can.

This month has been loooooooongggggg. I haven’t had much going on, besides random belaying jobs to earn as much money as I can, a short vacation with my family, and talking with friends when they are available…as well as reading and writing and discovering my feelings, and…feeling. I can’t wait to start this next chapter of my summer tomorrow! πŸ˜€ {Again, check out my instagram photo for information on what I’m doing at camp, as well as how to get in touch with me during my time there!} Have an awesome month while I’m away!! πŸ™‚

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